the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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