Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
