Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
