I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
