I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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