Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
