yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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