I wish you could order shots online.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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