D3 body, D1 cock
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
