? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
