They should really pass out barf bags in church
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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