Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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