could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
