May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there is glitter all over my balls
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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