so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
