How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
