I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
