I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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