Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
