Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
