About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
