Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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