I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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