...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
