pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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