she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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