I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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