I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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