dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
