ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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