Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
