My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
