I smell stomach acid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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