You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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