dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
