i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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