the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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