Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
