i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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