4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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