Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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