Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
