The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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