Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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