Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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