smell my finger.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
