are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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