he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
babies were throwing up all over the place
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
