I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
