Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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