Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
