I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
