SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize