I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
