She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
