Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
