She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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