Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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