At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
