she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
