I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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