just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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