When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
