Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear

(401): View more from Rhode Island

...this stays between you and me

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(702): View more from Nevada

explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests

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(701): View more from North Dakota

A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

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(530): View more from California

When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?

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