Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.