life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.