We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
