can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.