she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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