How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?