Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
