his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize