Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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