Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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