shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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