my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize