im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
