I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
