i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
