My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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