Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize