She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
