so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
