help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
