Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ttyl tear gas
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
