Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
