tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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