I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
